March 24, 2015

Why everyone needs a world famous rubber novelty chicken in their life

For years I felt that my life had been lacking something, but I couldn't put my finger on what. Was it love? Friendship? A successful career? But now I know better. All I really wanted, all I really needed to make my life complete was a rubber chicken.

Seeing it sitting here in my lap, its blank painted eyes staring bravely into the void of the unknown, its bumpy synthetic flesh not unlike the remarkable texture of a life well spent, its hollow body symbolic of the goodness we can all fill ourselves with if we try hard enough...I feel an odd sense of satisfaction, but also of mystery.

The chicken brings up so many intriguing questions in my mind: where, having reached such dizzying heights, do I go from here? Should I share my story with the world and preach the message of personal fulfillment via rubber chicken? And why on Earth did I buy this?

But these are things a man must decide for himself. It is a sad reflection on modern manufacturing when one can't even buy a decent rubber chicken in many places. All the other artificial fowl offered on Amazon seem to have quality or durability problems. But fear not, online gag shoppers: if you desire a good-sized chicken that won't fall apart after a few weeks and, moreover, will change the recipient's entire life for the better...Loftus' World Famous Rubber Chicken is the one!
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